My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
