this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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