the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
