A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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