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Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
