Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
