checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
