he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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