Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
