Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
