mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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