Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
