i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
