haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They should really pass out barf bags in church
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
