i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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