Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
