OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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