Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
