did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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