Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
