I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
