that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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