Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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