i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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