At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
