just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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