ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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