Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
