Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
