i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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