it wasn't lemon gatorade
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
