she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
