Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
