Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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