I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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