weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
please don't ironically join a cult
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