my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He passed out mid-signature
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
