I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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