just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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