Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
