i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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