Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
