remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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