oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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