There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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