fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
