I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
