Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
