speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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