Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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