I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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