I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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